Spring Break Procrastination

My break is here, and I have loads of work to do, but not much is getting done. Why is motivation lacking when I need it the most? Why must my personal life get complicated when I need to focus on schoolwork?

I have been thinking about choices lately. I make so many choices daily--most of them little ones, I guess--and I am used to taking responsibility for my choices. For instance, do I mark research essays or go out to eat with friends? If I go out to eat, then the work load piles up for later--but I know that it is my choice, my doing, and I will live with the consequences. I've made some choices lately that I'm not sure about--that is, I'm not sure what the results will be. Funny how some things seem so lovely at the time and in retrospect I wonder what on earth I was thinking. And yet the choice has been made and I must live with the result, and if I am hurt in the process it is because of the decision that I made.

Taking responsibility for one's actions is a little scary sometimes.

I have also been getting periodic updates from a woman in my church in Sioux Center. She is pregnant, and her baby has been diagnosed with spinal bifuda (I think that's right . . . ), so she is undergoing special treatments in Nashville. She sends out an email update once or twice a week, and, despite the uncertainty and scariness of her situation, her faith in God is unwavering. She fully trusts that He is in control and is taking care of her and her baby and her family. Her faith humbles me and gives me hope at the same time. And I look at my life here, and the choices I am making, and I wish I had her faith and certainty. I wish, too, that I had as many people praying for me as she does--and then I think of all of you, all my friends wherever you may be, and I know that you are praying for me, as I am praying for you. That, too, is both humbling and hopeful.

I am experiencing so many new things here in Montana. The ways people think are so different--I am coming across myriad new ideas and worldviews. I am glad for this, but at the same time I am challenged. Challenged to consider these new perspectives; challenged to test them against long-held beliefs; challenged to fit new and old together in a way that makes sense; challenged to be faithful while simultaneously trying to define just what 'faithful' means. Challenged. I am glad for the challenges, but at times (such as now) I want to step back from them all and simply rest.

Today I called my friend Lindsay here in town, and we had tea and then took a walk in Rattlesnake Canyon with her two sons. Seth is only three months old, so I carried him in a baby carrier against my chest, and he slept the whole time, his few pounds no burden, his warmth comfortable in the coolness of the afternoon. Lindsay carried Corin in a child backpack, and we walked amongst the Ponderosa pines, inhaled the fragrance of the air, heard the water of the creek splash against the rocks, and talked; for those few hours I was able to step back and rest from the challenges and confusions of my life and simply enjoy the beauty of Montana.

The sun is setting now, and dusk is falling over the valley. It is a beautiful day, a beautiful evening. And my homework is calling to me, threatening to crash down upon me if I don't start working on the pile soon. So enough procrastination for now . . .

Happy Spring!

This morning was windy, but it was a blustery March wind, so, despite the cold, the smell of spring was in the air, blowing down the mountains and along the Clark Fork River. I can't wait until the trees start leafing out and the grass turns green. Crocuses are popping up in people's yards, and all the seeds in the greenhouse out at the PEAS farm are germinating, so spring is on its way. Bit by bit.

Spring break is coming up--it starts this Friday for me. I was hoping to be able to take off and do something wild and crazy away from Missoula, but then I looked at my work load and realized I can't afford the time. I do hope to get out of town for a couple of days, though. Even a day trip to the hot springs or to Glacier would be refreshing.

Last week I caught a nasty cold . . . my throat hurt so badly, and when I tried to swallow it was as if I had a golf ball in my throat. UGH. I thought perhaps I had strep throat, but I went to the doctor and she told me it was just a virus. But what a nasty fiend of a virus it was! I'm finally feeling better--I've been drinking lots of tea, getting nine hours of sleep a night, eating my vegetables, and slacking on my homework. Anything to get well again!

We are now getting more daytime than nighttime--I love having more than 12 hours of sunlight! I took a walk tonight at 7, and it wasn't even dark yet, though twilight fell as I headed along the riverwalk. I love the way the streetlights shine yellow against the sky, how they reflect golden on the dark smoothness of the river.

I can't wait until summer. Hot hot sunny days, rafting on the icy waters of the Blackfoot, sunlight streaming over the mountains, band playing in Caras park on Thursday nights, the Farmer's Market every Saturday, no homework . . . oh, glorious Montana summer!

In the meantime, however, I have work to do. And much as I'd like to just sit around and read non-school books for the rest of the evening, I really ought to mark some research papers . . .

Love to all!

When writing class gets boring . . .

we the writers get creative. Below you will find a conglomerate poem, written by Teresa, Christa, and myself (a.k.a. "Terry Christalson"). It's a bit of a spoof on the Camas submissions--Camas is the literary journal put out by the EVST department, the editorial board of which we are all members. Enjoy!

The Nature of the West: A (really, really) Profoundly Meaningful Poem

O Camas!
The quiet waiting-ness of your
sweet root in rich Western soil
The quivering shoot that culminates
in your crowning glory, sapphire flower
You put forth your Rooty sustenance
to keep flesh rosy on our bodies
A gentle whitetail doe,
quick, wild, free!
Steps among your shiny
profusion of azure blooms
You caress her legs, moving softly
As the prairie wind strokes your face
Breath soft with prairie spring
A Hawk soars, floating overhead
through blue sky that echoes your glory
He soars, then dives, and
Death blooms at your stems.
Your cool blue beauty is undisturbed.
The Death-Hawk
carries his prey over the
mountains with a cry
of Triumph.
The wind whispers through your leaves:
sssshhhhsssshhhh!
A tacit understanding
to hide the bloody kill
your flowers shield
one of your many silent secrets.
As summer glides, slow, into fall,
the whisper turns to the
rattle & rustle
of drying leaves
Blue bleaches into golden autumn
Then, the pure white shroud
of the Winter’s snow
is thrown upon the land.
Beneath it, your roots wait,
and with them, their Secrets.
Swelling through the long cold season
until the warm Spring’s wind
calls you forth
bursting with new life
to feed our rosy flesh again.
You are the Nature of the West!
O Camas!

The End.